Questions to Ask Wedding Venues about Your Orthodox Jewish Wedding

Not every bride is compelled to find the venue that offers the best deal for the price per person compared to other venues. I can’t relate to those brides. When I started doing research on wedding venues in the Metro- NY/NJ area, my goal was to find the best quality for the right price. Beyond using negotiation tactics to lower costs (to be covered in another blog), you should ask the wedding venue questions that highlight the pro’s and con’s in selecting the venue:

• How many hours are they charging for? Typically, it is around 6 hours, but you can use this as a negotiation tactic by requesting an hour less.

• Does the venue have more than one event going on at the same time? I found this to be a drag if I had to share my wedding space with other brides, and this was a deal-breaker for me.

• Is Valet Parking an added cost? Some wedding venues fail to mention that someone has to pay for the valet service, and this can become an unforeseen expense to either the bride or the guests that may have to shovel out the money.

• Does the wedding venue offer several different rooms that accommodate an Orthodox Jewish Wedding, such as a Tisch area, Bedeken area, Chuppah space, Yichud room, dancing floor that can separate men and women? Surprisingly, wedding venues may not bring up the fact that they do not have a private area / Yichud room for the bride and groom. In fact, two Manhattan wedding venues that I went to checkout could only offer a closet room for the newlywed bride and groom as a Yichud room.

• Does the wedding venue use the same room for the Reception and the Ceremony? Some wedding venues that do not have a lot of space may state that they can accommodate a specific number of guests, like 175 people, yet this can only be done by flipping over the Ceremony area into the Reception area. During the “flip over”, guests may be huddled into a room to find a shmorgishborg. Personally, for the Jewish Orthodox bride such a set up may not make sense since the shmorg would be given right before Dinner. However, the benefit with wedding venues that flip over their space for the shared Reception and Ceremony area are more likely to significantly lower their price if the bride brings this up as a possible deal-breaker.

• Is the wedding venue conveniently located or located near public transportation? If you find a wedding venue that you absolutely love but the only way for guests to get there is to swim or take a boat, then you may want to pass up on the wedding venue or use the inconvenient location as a negotiation strategy in lowering the cost per person.

• What is the percent gratuity on top of the cost per person, and is there another additional percent charge for maitre de services? Right before I was going to sign the dotted line with a wedding venue, they mentioned an additional 5% charge for maitre de services on top of the 18% gratuity and the State tax. While I still ended up signing with this venue anyway, it was only after the wedding venue offered other perks for free to settle my nerves.

• What services are offered by the wedding venue on the day of the wedding? One of the top reasons that I chose my wedding venue was because it came jam-packed with luxury services that included a Valet, Bathroom Attendant, Bridal Attendant, Maitre De / wedding coordinator, 2:1 waiter/table ratio, white-gloved attendants, and non-stop attendance to the needs of guests. They also offered place-setting cards, table numbers, menus per guest and even ice sculptures of any design we desired. I went through so many venues that were much more expensive yet did not offer most of these services.

• What is the wedding venues cancellation policy? G-d forbid there is a need to cancel, but should one arise for some reason then it is better to know the financial damage ahead of time.

• Does the wedding venue offer different ranges in time to hold the wedding, and are they flexible with changing times? One of the easiest ways to reduce costs per person is to have a morning / early day wedding, but there are also Orthodox Jewish-related issues with the timing of the wedding. Evening weddings are typically more expensive. Further, for brides planning to have their Orthodox Jewish Wedding in the winter, they should be conscientious of sunset times and make sure timing of the Tisch and Chuppah does not interfere with when the sun sets. My wedding was in February 2010 and our Rabbi officiating the wedding forced me to change the start time of the wedding from 4pm to 5pm to ensure the Hebrew date of our contractual marriage could not be disputed due to being too close to the time of the sun setting. Luckily, my wedding venue was flexible with changing the times.

• What is the quality of the food and liquor offered by your wedding venue? Another top reason I chose my wedding venue was because they were known for having hands-down outstanding Glatt Kosher food, provide top shelf liquor and a kosher wedding cake with several designs to choose from. Guests are offered seconds on their meals. Most venues will not include all of these accommodations in their costs per person, which means spending more money to get such perks.

Ways to Save Money on Kosher Catering

Not surprising to those with a kosher palette, a strictly kosher catered wedding can triple the price of food per person compared to a non-kosher wedding. But learning the nature of how pricing works for kosher caterers can save you significant amounts of money.  Don’t fall in love with a venue that falls out of your budget when adding the cost of kosher catering. Prepare yourself from the start by answering key questions that can make or break your bank:

• Is there a relationship between the Venue and the Caterer?
• If the answer is yes, then you have a much better chance of negotiating costs on both sides. One tip is to ask a Kosher Caterer to give you a list of Venues that they have catered and would recommend.  Not all venues have kosher-friendly kitchens, making it more laborious conditions for the caterer to work out kashrut logistics.
• Will the Venue provide tables, linens, chairs, stemware and dinnerware?
• If the answer is yes, then the Caterer will only charge for food (plus gratuity and tax).
• If the answer is no, then the price of having either the Caterer or a rental company bring such rental items will hike up the total cost of Venue / Catering considerably.
• Does the Kosher Caterer or Venue offer a significant reduction in price if you guarantee a certain number of guests?
• Asking this question to the Caterer or the Venue has proven to be a successful negotiation tactic in lowering total costs.  Similar to going to Costco and buying something at "family size", the more guests you invite, the lower the total cost per guest.  However, before guaranteeing a certain number of guests, you should know your budget and factor in taxes and gratuity to understand the amount of dollars you can spend per guest (which I will discuss in another blog).
• In order to calculate the actual cost per guest for catering, determine the State Tax, percent gratuity, and extra charges for rabbinic staff that the Caterer will charge.
• The combination of these costs can add considerable amounts of money to the actual cost per guest and should be included when calculating the total amount your budget will allow you to spend per guest.
• Does the Venue offer in-house Kosher catering with an acceptable hechsher?
• If the answer is yes, then the price of a combined Venue / Catering cost will be significantly less than going to a Venue that does not offer in-house Kosher catering. 

For my own Kosher catered wedding, I chose to go with an in-house Kosher catering venue but only after researching over 70 other venues to find the best bang for the buck.

Top Online Wedding Websites and Why

The internet can be your BFF when looking for customer satisfaction and ratings on products, services, etc. On the other hand, wedding websites can be overwhelming and a jungle to sift through to get the information you want. I have made the most of my cyber wedding research and have learned which websites are most useful and how best they can be used:

Jewish wedding resource website:
There may be thousands of Jewish wedding-related websites out there, but there were slim pickings on the quality sites.

• Top Jewish Wedding Resource: http://www.chossonandkallah.com/new-york/#ref=menu
•  When I wanted to know all reception venues that include kosher catering in the NY-NJ area, I went to this site.  The site also provides contact information on several other venues that specialize in serving the Orthodox Jewish audience.

Weather website for checking forecasted weather on your wedding date:
The Weather Channel offers a Wedding Planner to help you estimate what the weather will be like on the date of your wedding.

• Visit the wedding planner section of weather.com at: http://www.weather.com/activities/events/weddings/?from=expireduser

Websites for brides that want to be married in Metro- New York at a decent price:
I searched everyway on the internet looking for tips on how to throw a wedding in NYC within a small budget, and I found a few sites that did just that:

• Best ideas for throwing a New York City wedding without going broke
  While New York Magazine does not offer specific advice on throwing a kosher Orthodox Jewish wedding, some of their articles share some great ideas on how to minimize costs and a directory of wedding locations and estimated pricing:
  - Bang for your Buck, by Rachel Wolff: http://nymag.com/weddings/planner/2007/winter/venues/
  - Locations Directory: http://nymag.com/weddings/listings/locations/
• Some of the Best Places to Get Married in NYC are Cheap!
  The Foundry and the Prince George Ballroom were ranked among the top 10 NYC wedding locations (http://weddings.about.com/od/weddinglocations/ss/NYCLocations_5.htm), yet they are quite affordable.

Websites to find inexpensive Modest Bridesmaid dresses:
In the secular world, finding a sophisticated yet trendy modest bridesmaid dress is like searching for a needle in a hay stack, unless you don’t mind having them wear sweaters or jackets to cover (eh hem) some skin. On the other hand, my fellow religious Jewish friends and their mothers suggested choosing a fabric and having the bridesmaid get the dress tailored, which would have cost over $250.

• An interesting alternative to the tradition bridesmaid gown is to turn to Chinese dresses (also referred to as Cheongsams or Qipao). Some websites allow you to customize the fabric and design of the dress, and some of these dresses offer full coverage and silk brocade fabric for less than $150. For the best quality and customer service go to: http://www.finechineseclothing.com/eng/product/detail.aspx?ProductID=1932
• If you are a more conservative type, one suggestion is to search through the “Mother of the Bride” wedding section found at websites such as Dillard’s, Macy’s or Bloomingdales, which will provide more modest looks. Although some of those prices are jacked up, and the looks are not the most “fun” for younger women.

Best website for reading reviews / ratings on anything wedding-related:
There are countless wedding resource websites on the Net exploding with information without providing bottom-line reviews and ratings of wedding venues, photography, makeup and hair, etc. 

• If you are a numbers person like me and want concrete reviews or ratings with supportive evidence before making a purchase then look no further than Wedding Wire:  http://www.weddingwire.com/
• Wedding Wire helped me find a highly rated make-up / hair professional in the area where I was getting married.  Knowing this information saved me money on transportation costs and save me worry on whether the professional was worthy.

Recession Bride

Planning your Orthodox Jewish Wedding during harsh economic times does not have to mean sacrificing the wedding of your dreams.

Orthodox Jewish Wedding's are significantly more costly than the average wedding when considering the price of the big ticket wedding items such as good kosher catering, modest wedding gowns and bridesmaid dresses, invitations that include a Hebrew section, and a venue that offers enough space for handling Jewish wedding staples such as the tisch room and bedeken, ceremony area, yichud room, and ballroom with mechitza. Such Orthodox Jewish Wedding costs can make a person with budgetary constraints want to let go of the dream wedding and look toward other, more affordable options.

Being a recession bride myself, I was able to throw my own dream Orthodox Jewish Wedding while cutting costs by over 30 percent. It was like buying a designer bag at sample sale prices - I got the quality I wanted at significantly lower costs.

Stay tuned as I update my blog with tips, tools and resources to help you save money on your dream Orthodox Jewish Wedding.