The Perfect Chuppah: Ideas and ways to save money

In my opinion, the Chuppah represents the climax of an Orthodox Jewish Wedding.  It is under the Chuppah that the kallah walks seven times around the chosson, where the key blessings are said that transition a man and woman into a husband and wife, it is where two souls symbolically become one, and it is the first place that this union in marriage is recognized by all.   Thus, creating a magnificent and spiritually significant environment can enhance these precious moments under the Chuppah.  But creating such a special environment does not have to be expensive. 

If you find yourself doing a tremendous amount of online research searching for the “best” chuppah provided by the most highly recommended chuppah builders, then you may not realize that chuppah’s are typically provided as an option by your Florist.  So, if you’ve already found your florist, you can ask to see examples of chuppah’s they have done, but be forewarned that a florist will most likely suggest chuppah options that include lots of flowers (not surprisingly) that will hike up costs.  Do not be seduced by their elaborate showcase of floral chuppahs.  Instead of doing a traditional chuppah with all the bells and whistles of flowers upon flower upon flowers (and more dollars upon dollars upon dollars spent), here are some stylish ideas that can significantly reduce costs spent on your Chuppah:

Simple Chuppah:  I think this chuppah, with just four black poles and loose white fabric is beautifully simple yet easy on the wallet.  Understated yet exquisite details such as the lace that is loosely wrapped around the chosson and kallah create intimacy, the smooth chandelier adds a sleek style, and a pink bundle of flowers located on each side look as though they are levitating, take this simple chuppah to the next level.

 

Unique Chuppah:  What I love most about this chuppah is that the branches are the main component used to create an elaborate feel to counterbalance the elaborate backdrop.  The combination of branches and lighting can create a natural feel at an inexpensive price.

Elegant Chuppah:  You can have a traditional style chuppah that looks elegant without extravagant flowers.  A few greens on the sides add a little color; while the white material gathered at the top of the chuppah add softness and a heavenly glow.

Tallit Chuppah:  Using the tallit for the top of the chuppah is an easy way of creating a religious tone to the chuppah without spending a dime.

Personalized Chuppah:  Another way to reduce the costs of the chuppah without sacrificing style is to personalize the top cover of the chuppah by having close friends and family participate in making the top cover:   send a handful of friends or relatives a blank piece of square cloth, and then have them add a personal symbolic design to the cloth and send the cloth back to you or someone that will be responsible for sowing the pieces of cloth together.  The combined pieces of cloth, each with their independent, unique and personalized designs will become a mosaic cover for the top of the chuppah at a minimal price.

The Perfect Modest Bridesmaid Dress: Ideas for modest and long-sleeve

If I had to choose one wedding item where I lost the most sleep, it would have to be finding the perfect bridesmaid dresses for my bridesmaids.  I wanted something modest and classic with a slight edge, something my bridesmaids could wear again as an evening dress...and I wanted the price to be inexpensive.  Such criteria was nearly impossible to find, and I went down a few paths before making the final choice.  If you are also struggling to find modest bridesmaids gowns that are inexpensive yet fashionable, check out these options:

• Dressy Undershirt:  This is the most flexible option and possibly the least costly to transform a not-so-modest bridesmaid dress into a modest one.  But it only works if the fabric of the dressy undershirt is sleek enough to blend in with the bridesmaid dress and serve as long-sleeves:
• Kiki Riki (~$17):  The "Kiki Riki" is a  brand that has become widely known among the Orthodox Jewish world as the undershirt of choice for making a dress more modest.  The 80% cotton / 10% spandex fabric blend along with being only ~$17 / shirt makes this a popular option for transforming practically any non-modest bridesmaid dress into the perfect one.  The catch is trying to track down stores that sell Kiki Riki's, which mainly seem to be in the heart of Orthodox communities or sold online by small businesses.  

• Designer Loft (~$100):  Designer Loft sells a satin shirt that would be worn underneath the dress to provide coverage of chest and arms (comes in black, white, and tan).  Just ask them about it.
• Customized Chinese Gowns:  As I noted in a previous blog, customized Chinese gowns offer a wide variety of long-sleeve gowns along with an exotic flair.  Just be careful about the slits on the side of the dress which may require added stitching.
• Good Orient:  Good Orient's website offers up some fun Chinese gowns that have sleeves.  On the one hand, traditional Chinese gowns can allow for a little mystery that ensures some modesty in the cut and style of the gown.  On the other hand, the mystery can also be risque with the long slits down the side of the legs.  So, keep in mind that the slits should be sown up to keep it modest.  Should you choose this exotic option for bridesmaid dresses, I recommend ordering one dress as a test before ordering several of them to ensure your satisfaction.  Below is a silk cheongsam with mandarin collar and medium sleeves that can be customized by size, color and material, and only costs a mere $94.74.  
 

• Matching Jacket, Bolero or Blazer: I found these examples on Dillard's website:

• Department Store Websites:  Dillard's, Macy's, Bloomingdale's; or try TJ Formal
• Search under" Mother-of-the-Bride" dresses:  Not all Mother-of-the-Bride dresses are matronly, and you may even find "Bridesmaid" dresses at these department stores with longsleeves.  

Left:  "JS Collections Lace & Crepe Gown" ($220); Right:  "Landa Modest Bridesmaid Dress A008" ($158)

• The Wrap:   This may not be realistic for dancing unless it is pinned down properly. However, it a great as a last minute solution for brides pressed with time.  Below is an example of how wrapping material around your shoulders and arms and tying loosely in the back can transform a dress into a modest and romantic look for your bridesmaids.  

• Customized Modest Gown:  Find a fabric store or designer and choose a color / fabric and dress style for your bridesmaids to have tailored.  While this can be costly, there is room for negotiating a set price per dress if you have several bridesmaids.  I ended up choosing a reputable designer in Staten Island known for designing Orthodox Jewish modest bridesmaids gowns and paid $163 / dress.  When I saw a strappy dress that I liked in her store and imagined a more modest version of it, the designer was flexible and said she could use a similar design as the strappy dress and add sleeves. 

Questions on choosing your bridesmaid dress?  Feel free to email me.

Making your Jewish Wedding Gown More Modest: Top questions on build-ups and alterations that will reduce costs and maintain style

While some kallah’s experience “love at first sight” when they find their wedding gown, others of us may find it more difficult to fall in love with a modest wedding gown and, instead, prefer a more secular gown with alterations to make it modest.  If you fall into the latter camp, there are several ways to ease the financial burden when building or altering a wedding gown.  Before purchasing the more secular wedding gown that will require alterations to make it more modest, consider these questions:

• What is the best look for making the wedding gown more modest?  Consider all of the options.  Some alteration options are significantly more affordable than others; however, consider whether you are sacrificing style for cost.
• Will you need an entire build-up, or do you just need sleeves, a jacket, or thick lace to make it modest?  An entire build-up is typically the most expensive option.
• You don’t need to re-invent the wheel.  Look at some magazines or go online to track down images of modest wedding gowns that you think will work for making your dress modest. 
• Using pictures to work out a alteration plan with your seamstress is extremely helpful in getting a final product that you will love.
• I have included some pictures of modest wedding gowns from current designers at the end of this blog.  In my opinion, Grace Kelly’s wedding gown is the quintessential timeless modest wedding gown.
• How will you be able to transform your wedding gown into a more modest wedding gown?  Ask yourself:
• What type of fabric is needed to match to your wedding gown?
• My Kleinfeld wedding gown was done by a Kleinfeld designer who did not have left-over lace or other fabric I could use, and the design in the lace was a unique style that was hard to track down.  This made the build-up more difficult, and I was blessed to find a designer (Liz from Designer Loft: 212.944.9013) that was able to source the best matching lace.
• Is this fabric available and affordable?
• While my designer found the best matching lace for my wedding gown build-up, the original fabric underneath the lace that would cover the skin felt scratchy and uncomfortable.  While it was more expensive to go with a smoother fabric, comfort is important and it was money well spent.
• Are their more affordable options using other material that can work with your gown and is significantly less expensive without sacrificing style?
• Before committing to a seamstress or designer, be sure to establish estimated pricing for the type of build-up or alterations you want.  If you are looking to save money, be sure to communicate upfront your budget limit for alteration costs to the seamstress or designer.
• Who will be the seamstress or designer that will help you modify your wedding gown?
• The reputation of a seamstress that has experience with building up modest gowns is essential.  Some of the best seamstresses for doing build-ups may most likely be in the outer-boroughs of NYC and known for catering to the Orthodox Jewish population.  Further, they may be more affordable than seamstresses located in Manhattan.
• Is the seamstress or designer located in a convenient place since you will be expected to come to more than one dress fitting?
• Factor-in the convenience in the location for you to be able to schedule-in getting to the dress fitting appointments.
• I chose Designer Loft for my build-up since they are in the garment district of Manhattan – an easier commute for me than leaving the City.
• How long will it take to make your wedding gown modest?
• From the start, you must work with your seamstress establish a timeline of the number of times you have to come in for fittings and the expected deadline for when all alterations will be complete. 
• Since unexpected things come up, avoid added stress and allow for a cushion of time – make the deadline for the completion of alterations as early as possible with significant time before your wedding date.

Say Yes to the Dress: Modest Wedding Gowns

Kleinfeld Bridal, a well-known premier bridal salon, has been offering up some of the most exquisite wedding gowns money can buy for more than six decades.  Their arguably addictive TV reality show Say Yes to the Dress reveals the sales process.  Kleinfeld even caters to those of us with a tighter budget, providing a vast selection of Sample Sale dresses at more affordable prices. However, for the Orthodox Jewish bride looking for an affordable modest wedding gown, there are several additional costs to keep in mind before flipping the non-refundable Kleinfeld bill. While I was blessed to find my dream Kleinfeld wedding gown, the sample sale price of $1,450 for the gown of my dreams turned into an additional $900 to build it up, along with the pains and frustrations when deciphering the “right” design decisions to make the build-up work well with the beauty of the original dress.


Don’t learn the hard way (like I did). Instead, protect yourself by knowing ahead of time what to expect with the Kleinfeld experience and additional costs:

• Kleinfeld Sample Sale wedding gowns are typically Strapless: This means you will most likely need a plan on how to make a strapless dress more modest (i.e., build-up, jacket, shawl, etc.)
• Speak to "Rochel Leah": Believe it or not, Kleinfeld actually has a sales associate that is known for consulting with Orthodox Jewish kallah’s looking for modest wedding gowns. While Kleinfeld salespeople are notorious for being pushy, Rochel Leah may actually talk you out of even scheduling a Sample Sale appointment at Kleinfeld’s if you tell her you have a tight budget. Why? She knows first-hand the mega dollars that can be associated with build-ups and botch-ups when making a wedding gown modest.
• Kleinfeld Sample Sale dresses are typically strapless which means you will most likely have to pay several hundred more dollars for the additional cost for the build-up, jacket, or other covering (typically starting at $400 +)
• Since Kleinfeld will not build-up your sample sale dress at their store, Rochel Leah can help identify which of the list of Kleinfeld’s recommended seamstresses are more / less expensive, but be weary of the quality and convenience before selecting a seamstress. Some NYC-based seamstresses are often pricier, while others make you hike your gown to other boroughs for the dress fittings and alterations.
• Rochel Leah became a great resource for consulting tips on building up the dress. Her advice was honest and helpful.
• Kleinfeld Sample Sale dresses are Non-Refundable: The purchase of your Kleinfeld sample sale dress is non-refundable and all sales are final, so before falling in love with a dress try to envision how the dress can be transformed to be more modest and determine such logistics as:
• Will the material be hard to get?
• Is the material going to be costly?
• Do I have enough allotted time to make alterations?
• What design looks best to flatter the original dress?
• Warning: Kleinfeld is not responsible for the work done by the recommended seamstresses. Since Kleinfeld does not do build-ups on Sample Sale dresses, what happens outside of Kleinfeld stays outside of Kleinfeld, regardless of how severely botched-up the dress may become. Rather, they provide you with a list of recommended seamstresses.
• After I purchased my Kleinfeld wedding gown, I had the misfortune of relying on the wrong seamstress to build-up my gown and I had to actually find another place for making alterations and the build-up. I ended up choosing Designer Loft, which saved the day for me and my perfect dress.

Questions?  Feel free to email me.

Metro-NY Kosher Catering Cost Estimates

Outsourcing a kosher caterer that can cater at practically any venue can be particularly liberating to those of you that want to throw a more unique kind of wedding.  Maybe you want to have your wedding at a posh NYC loft, at a venue that overlooks a waterfront, maybe you have always dreamed of throwing your wedding at a farm or in the park, or maybe the idea of having your wedding at a traditional-style Jewish wedding hall is not appeasing to you.   All of these thoughts crossed my mind when planning my wedding, which is why I have pricing estimates from some of the most popular kosher caterers of Metro-NY on catering at some of these sorts of venues.

Just remember, when looking for a top quality kosher caterer at an affordable, the most inexpensive route is to go to a venue that offers in-house kosher catering, as the total price per person includes the venue, service, and food.  Further, the effort and work involved in outsourcing a kosher catering is far more labor intensive since the food, equipment and service must be transported and all kosher cooking logistics considered, impacting costs.

So, how much does it cost to hire an outside kosher caterer for your wedding at any venue (i.e., a bare bones loft studio or a non-kosher restaurant with a spectacular view of the water)?  Not surprising, kosher caterers may be reluctant to provide cost estimates on catering an event without having a “meeting” to discuss all the specifics and logistics since the price range can vary based on factors such as:   

• the type of menu, 
• number of people, 
• venue, 
• staffing (rabbinical supervision and servers and / or bartenders), 
• time of year, 
• style of food, 
• sit-down versus buffet-style reception, 
• number of offered dishes (Meat, Chicken, Fish, Vegetarian), 
• sushi (typically adds to the cost), dessert plate options, and other bells and whistles, 
• whether they have a relationship with the venue, 
• whether they have to supply plates / flatware / stemware, etc.   

Further, some caterers will give deeper discounts the higher the number of guests that you can guarantee.  Caterers may differ on their flexibility with negotiating a lower price, and/or will provide tweaks to the menu to be able to lower costs.  

While I cannot provide price ranges that reflect your specific kosher catering needs, I can provide the cost estimates that I was given for my Feb’10 wedding of 200 guests.  Considering all of the aforementioned factors, my objective was to get the minimum cost to have an outside kosher caterer supply the food at venues such as the ones listed in the top ten affordable venues in Manhattan.

The following cost estimates are based solely on providing the kosher food for a wedding (schmorg, cocktail hour, Meat/Chicken/Fish/Veg reception, and dessert), and note additional costs such as the mashgiach, servers, bartenders, tables/linens, flatware/stemware, alcohol, etc are not included:

FLOP: Wedding Items Traditionally Paid for by the Chosson / Groom’s Side

Coming from a kallah that planned her wedding while watching the stocks plummet during to the 2009 recession, establishing a wedding budget and knowing who pays for what is key in turning your “dream” wedding into a financially realistic one. Of course, this may not apply to the younger chosson and kallah that have their parents working out the finances themselves (and all of the other wedding planning decisions for that matter). It also may not apply to those of you who are independently wealthy and / or have that “wealthy” Aunt willing to fork over the green. I am really speaking to the brides’ and their grooms that are making the wedding decisions with the assumption that both parents’ sides are contributing at least some amount of money to help pay for the wedding. In the Orthodox Jewish world, a tradition known as “FLOP” is (thankfully) one way of dictating how much the groom’ side should pay. The kallah’s side is traditionally responsible for paying for the hall and caterer. So, what is FLOP and how do these costs translate into what the groom’s side will typically pay in wedding costs?


What is FLOP?
FLOP is an acronym used for listing out the financial responsibility for wedding items to be paid for by the groom’s side of the family. The acronym sometimes varies in interpretation but typically stands for F: Flowers, L: Liquor, O: Orchestra, P: Photographer

• Variations to FLOP: The point of FLOP is to help determine the financial responsibility of the groom’s side. However, some of these terms can be loosely defined. For example:
• Liquor: Of the 70+ venues that I researched, Liquor is typically included in the price of the Wedding Hall and / or Caterer costs and is, therefore, not always separated out in the billing statement. To avoid any misunderstanding when writing the final check, we chose to exclude this item from the groom’s responsibility. The groom’s parents ended up giving us extra money for our savings, which was a very nice gesture.
• Orchestra: Orchestra can be loosely defined as any sort of costs associated with having Music at the wedding. It could be a Band, a DJ, a Pianist… you get the point.

Estimating how much the Groom’s Side should pay for the wedding
Prices for FLOP items can range tremendously based on quality, taste, style, size of the venue, etc. Further, there are ways to significantly reduce these costs (refer to my blog on reducing wedding costs). The following are cost estimates that are based on what was provided by the vendors that we contacted for an average size wedding (200ppl) in the Metro-NY area:

• Flowers: For the Orthodox Jewish Wedding, we found that the Florist was typically used for setting up the Chuppah. Including the costs of a chuppah, prices ranged from $3,500 - $6,800 depending on the vendor.
• Liquor: $7/pp (based on Caterer estimates when adding costs for liquor on top of the costs of food per person). This price can fluctuate based on whether you want Top Shelf alcohol, just wine and beer, etc. We had an in-house caterer and the liquor was included in the Per Person price of the venue.
• Orchestra: We used a live band. Live bands vary in cost based on factors including the number of band members, the number of hours they are expected to play, and reputation. Prices ranged from $4,000 - $5,000 for 4 to 6 hours.
• Photographer / Videographer: Prices for the photographer ranged from $3,000 to $7,000 based on the vendor and what was included in the package (i.e., photo albums, dvd’s, number of videos, etc).

Estimated Total Cost for Groom’s Side (using a size of 200 guests): roughly $16,000

Quick Tips on Cutting the Cost of Kosher Catering

These are some quick and easy tips that can save you money on kosher catering (here are more tips):

• Choose a lighter version of a shmorgishborg, or eliminate a shmorg altogether:
• Not surprising, Kosher caterers will offer their best (and most costly) food selections first. Do not be afraid to ask them to identify less costly shmorg food items.
• Select the less costly foods:
• Since the time period allotted during a shmorg can be quite fast before hustling guests into the ceremony area, choose a shmorg that is not “all out”:
• Negotiate on the number of trays and servers needed
• Dairy versus Meat meal:
• Choosing a Dairy meal over a Meat meal can reduce costs:  
• When I was negotiating costs with an in-house kosher caterer, he reduced the total per person amount by $10/pp if we chose to go with Dairy instead of Meat.
• Kosher caterers will state that the price of catering costs is dictated by the menu items, not by Dairy versus Meat food.
• For either Dairy or Meat, the biggest impact on kosher catering costs is the amount of labor and execution involved.  
• Choosing a lighter fare of menu items for either Dairy or Meat can reduce costs.
• Reception costs:
• Reduce the number of courses
• Do pairings on a plate instead of full plate
• Choose desserts that are less costly
• Have guests fill out which type of food they will want when they send in their reply to the wedding invitation: chicken, steak, vegetarian:
• Providing estimated numbers per type of dish ahead of time to the Kosher caterer will save money
• If there are a high percentage of your guests that are vegan / vegetarian, then construct a menu around their likings, which will significantly cut costs of Kosher catering
• Time of Day: Weddings that start earlier in the day can save you money
• The assortment of foods chosen for the shmorg and reception can be less costly for Day weddings as opposed to Evening weddings.
• Light shmorg for early wedding, with brunch type foods such as bagels, lox and cream cheese, pastries, etc.
• Alcohol can be limited or completely eliminated for Day weddings
• Reception meal can be lighter for Day weddings
• The Alcohol Factor:
• An open bar at a wedding with top shelf liquor, wine, and beer is only one of many ways to offer alcohol to your guests. It is also the most costly option. Here are less expensive options to cut costs:
• Only serve Wine and Beer, and not liquor
• Only have one Alcohol station
• Cap off the number of bottles of wine

Questions?  Feel free to Email me.